I'm deeply thankful for understanding the essence of life, having the tools to be able to become better, and to understand life, and to understand that, when good and bad things happen to me there is always a cause, and I am the only one responsible.
The School changed my life, on every level, internally and materially. Before, life didn't make sense at all for me. Everything seemed arbitrary and without sense. When I started in the School, all the pieces were starting to come together. Before, I was driving a car without a map. Later, a clear map of life was given to me.
I have to start by describing the way I joined the School 16 years ago. I was looking for something, and I didn't know what. I had the intuition, even the obsession that nothing in life was in the way it seemed. I was desperate, screaming internally for something, in pain, trying to understand what was going on inside of me.
I wanted to quit smoking and I couldn't, I wanted to quit marihuana and I couldn't. I wanted to fix my long relationship with my girlfriend of seven years and I couldn't, I didn't even know where to start. I was extremely jealous, and I didn't know how to work on it. I used to feel continuous pain in my chest and I didn't know why. I had a deep disappointment with myself and I didn't know what to do. That was me.
I attend a couple different spiritual schools, and I perceived that everything was fake, but really obviously fake, even funny.
One day I saw a small ad in a kind of Spanish version of the Time Out magazine. The ad said "Will Power. Free lecture. Institute for Hermetic Philosophy." After listening the 30 minutes lecture, I didn't understand that much, but I got an overwhelming feeling in my heart that finally I was at home, after years of loneliness and depravation for my Spirit. I was at home protected, understood and loved.
Since then It has been a long path in which every certain period of time, I got rid of one layer of lies in my persona, like an onion, getting closer to my truth. Sometimes it takes years to get rid of one of these layers, and other times only days. During this process I go deeper in my truth of who I am and I am able to overcome things that I love but are ruining my life. I got rid of lies with myself, dishonesties, fears and failures.
This process is for me a mix of pain and happiness. Pain because I am so used to them and they are so me. Please of the process because I'm getting rid of weight, dirt, lack of clarity, and guilt, and I am becoming more successful and happy with myself little by little.
I'm deeply thankful for understanding the essence of life, having the tools to be able to become better, and to understand life, and to understand that, when good and bad things happen to me there is always a cause, and I am the only one responsible. To understand that I am a carpenter of myself and that I am the piece that I have to work on everyday to become better, more defined and more harmonious.
Once you start this path, and you know for a fact that truth exists and its not something subjective, then you want it more and more, even if it is against your will, even if it is against your own persona. That is why is so difficult, at least for me, that is why there is pain. Once I knew there is truth, I got addicted to it and it cannot be replaced by anything else.