Events / Personal Testimonials

Life is real now

I am no longer obsessed with death and immortality, because now I carry a sense deep inside me, beyond mere words and intellectualizations, a sense of the thing inside me that lives, that is real, and that is beyond time and this world. It grows. I feel it. It is a treasure no earthly sum can buy.

August 2006

I came to the School while still in High School. My outlook was extremely cynical. I came to see that the people around me were unhappy, confused, and without direction. I felt hopeless and saw life as an endless chain of suffering; a waiting for death. I struggled for a long time with the question of what was the point of living if life was so hard and only death waited at the end. My early studies in the spiritual and esoteric only heightened my frustration, because I saw that most of that was empty words, especially the way reincarnation was being sold to the world. I also sensed how unreal people and the world around me was. My health was negatively affected by all this turmoil inside me. I had to decide if life was actually worth the bother, and this is when I came to the School. I was lucky; I met people who were real, who were desperate like me, and who had something real inside. This gave me hope.

I came to the School as damaged goods. I was a cynical, cold, heartless person afraid to expose his heart to life, who hid behind a sharp and clever intellect. I was a huge narcissist who really cared about nothing and no one beyond myself. Other people were mere objects to use, direct, and manipulate to satisfy my self esteem, insecurities, weaknesses and wants. This took me a long time to understand. This was a big part of why I suffered so much, letting nothing in or out of myself. Gradually, the Work of the School let me see that the unreality I felt was not in the outside world, but came because I barely existed. At the same time I got hope and glimpses that there was more that I could BE, that I could touch something real in myself besides the anxiety, fear, and narcissism I was used to. I also have the School to thank for the inspiration and motivation from the brothers and sisters who struggled to find their own truth side-by-side with me.

I am no longer obsessed with death and immortality, because now I carry a sense deep inside me, beyond mere words and intellectualizations, a sense of the thing inside me that lives, that is real, and that is beyond time and this world. It grows. I feel it. It is a treasure no earthly sum can buy.

All the work in the School over the years, the efforts that are too hard, the challenges, the struggles to be honest and real, have let me see who I really am and accept it, have let me develop my own mind and reason, have given me a sense of why I am here, why I am lucky to be alive, and why time is short. It has also made me understand what sacrifice, effort, and responsibility really mean. Above all, the greatest gift of the School has been the magic key--the way to extract real meaning and truth from my life and not just exist. It is all that matters, and it was what was missing.

Through this work, I came to see that I can do things. I can get what I want. I can have my own mind. I can pursue what is right and true for myself regardless of how hard I fear it may be. I must have come to the School imagining I was perfect, even being so unhappy. I am no longer perfect and don't care to be perfect. I have happiness in my life now, and great confidence in myself to face what life tosses my way. I can survive, I can prosper, and it is all up to me. I no longer blame others or the world for my fate. I have seen others around me chewed up and spit out by life. I did not end up this way because the School showed me how to use bad for good, how to gain from loss, how to snatch victory from defeat, and to never give in.

My scale of values has been transformed by the School. Connecting internally with people and life is vitally important to me now, even though my old habit of isolation lingers. My desperation has changed. I am desperate to get the most out of what time I have left. I feel in touch with a vibrant, vital force that is life, and that flows through me, and I see it in the people and places I encounter day to day. I have been blessed with good people and fantastic material opportunities in my life, but I know that it was what I got from the Work in the School that helped me take full advantage and get the most from them. I can glimpse quickly and easily into the hearts and minds of my fellows now, but only because the School gave me the opportunity to see my own failings, fears, desires, feelings, motivations, and history. Life is real now. I have the School to thank for all this.


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